Writing is mine;

remember why you started?

Sometimes you just need to sit down and start.

I’ve been trying to write more regularly recently. As a kid I would write almost everyday. My diary was a lifeline in difficult times. I want to write more frequently because it helps my sense of purpose. I also want to connect with more writers and create in a world where we’re now told that ChatGPT is always there to help us. And yes, ChatGPT did help me write a cover letter when I was anxious and two days deep into a headache. I thanked it afterward, and it told me I was doing great things, that my work was meaningful. Which felt strange, and kind of nice.

I’ve just finished the first draft of a new play. I wanted to get it finished so I could send it in for a competition, which I just about managed, by the skin of my teeth. For a good week I was like ‘how the f am I gonna end this thing’? Which was solved after a sit down chat with my very good friend; I just so happen to be living with an amazing playwright at the moment. Who not only has put me up in my time of need, but consistently surprises me with her kindness.

Once the draft was finished and sent in, I felt a sense of loss. Like what am I gonna do now? What do I do with my days off, not write? And I’m well aware that no draft is ever really finished, even after it’s published. The first draft especially, is the rawest. The baby. Brave to let anyone read, some might say, but isn’t that what writing is? Letting people in, to discover your inner world.

I also really enjoyed writing it, it’s probably the first play I’ve written that feels deeply routed in my upbringing. People talk a lot about writing what you know - I also want to write about silly relationships and whimsy, and I should be allowed to - but this play is bigger than anything I’ve written before. So maybe there’s a sense of danger in that. What if no-one gets it?

Writing will always be something I dreamed of doing as a kid, and maybe sometimes it still feels like that - a dream. I often think the competitions and bursaries we all compete for, add to your overall sense of worthiness. Rejection can make you stop writing, or doubt your place. Even the big time writers get knock backs. We know this, yet we still feel sad. We still question our talent. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.

Writing is mine. I do it because I enjoy it. It makes me feel good. That’s why no matter the fuckeries, we just have to keep going. Keep writing. For the little you that believed you could.

Peace x

me (not really)